Again And Again...

The most confusing thing is to not know exactly how I feel, have I let you go? Was I about to? Am I mad because you seem to be doing it better than me? Should I be relieved that life goes on? Yet sad that I seem to be living a lonely one? I can't explain everything I'm feeling, resentment, guilt, confusion , hurt!

I should be all too familiar with these methods tho, the silence! I've been here, the distance I've been there , the loneliness? I live here! Asking everytime why you won't just put me out of my misery but you deny me closure maybe to save yourself from looking me in the eye? You are right in a sense and I don't want your pity! Neither do I want to be treated like a bad habit!

I can't explain what is left of what I felt or if its still real because the erratic mood swings just exhaust me, I'm emotionally raw and I find my thoughts of you have become a staple in the closet of my conciousness ... Ever present , and I can't seem to shake you...