Naked!

The tears sting, not because of my mascara either I just washed my face.

Walking around looking at myself like an out of body experience, wondering where my life went and how long I would stay in this slumber. was it all a dream?

Did I dream up the hopes and relief that at times made me feel like I had escaped this feeling of constant entrapment? That I would be the one that did good, irrespective of all the shit i've been through?

Did I imagine success, joy and love? Did I read it in a book and forget the stories were not mine?

Did I expire without knowing my sell by date. Is this all that is left of a once promising future?

The tears sting….. They sting because they have been suppressed, "Oh no not I, I am not the one to break down and feel weak" I constantly snap out of moments of regret and self loathing. Everything that felt like second nature , just doesn't come easy anymore.

I keep it all in, my sore heart, my life pains, my flawed memories and when my brain tries to remember I feel a heaviness in my spirit and a tightening in my chest that words cannot articulate.

So the wells gather in my eyes….  and I squint…..The tears sting….But I never let them fall!

Love Me On Purpose...

There is no telling when it will eventually happen, strangers become friends and friends becoming strangers. I've held a million mental images in my head , editing and re-writing how the story ends with you, him or you!

I don't want it if you are not sure, I don't want it if it is not pure. I don't want it if I need to convince you or play games or hide my heart because guarding it is the only way I'm safe around you. I don't want what is not mine, I don't want to even cry- too many false starts and I'm done chasing circles I need you to love me on purpose.

Love me because when you are weak , you can find your strength in me. When you dream you can see your partner is me. When you walk - my hand in yours assures you that you can be all the man you need to be and more, and when we kiss you see the future in my eyes. Love me on Purpose.

Love me intentionally - Choose to hold back my hair when I've had one too many. join me on my knees when I need redemption. Drive me to my healing when I can't find my will, tell me how the world stops when you see me smile, hold me like your life relies on my presence, decide to grow with me until we grow old  ….Love me on Purpose.