Kodak moments....

' Sure I've been in love a time or two /But in the end I still chose you /No one could ever make me feel this way /That's why it's killing me, what we're going through /Somehow thought 'tween me and you /Our love would stand the test of time and never ever fade

But we're not making love no more /We're not even trying to change /Tell me how it slips away /Does it ever stay the same /We don't even talk no more /We've ran out of words to say/ Tell me it don't have to change/ Won't it ever stay the same

Girl I know that things aren't going right/ But don't you think it deserves a fight /A love like ours don't happen everyday /And we're losing it right as we speak/ And if we don't wake up, it's a memory A time gone past, a love that sailed away

But we're not making love no more /We're not even trying to change /Tell me how it slips away/ Does it ever stay the same/ We don't even talk no more /We've ran out of words to say/ Tell me it don't have to change/ Won't it ever stay the same

I dream of lovers past /and I see a girl so sad /cause She lost the only man she loved /He went away /Well it's not too late for us To change

But we're not making love no more/ We're not even trying to change /Tell me how it slips away /Does it ever stay the same /We don't even talk no more /We've ran out of words to say /Tell me it don't have to change /Won't it ever stay the same ?'

You asked me to listen to these words the other day and felt that they were appropriate for us, sometimes people say things and don't reaslise how weighty they can be, if you really feel this way i'm not sure if to be happy or sad, sad that it sounds like the end or happy that you might feel a quarter of the way i'm feeling right now? but yeah we're not making love no more but i still have so much to say to you...but sadly my words forget what they mean around you..

Bittersweet....

I'm back at that un-certain spot this morning, sometimes I feel like i'm completely over you, guess its too soon to attain such great heights, bumped into you a couple of times and I still miss my friend, why do things have to change so drastically? i'm suddenly more available to all my admirers constantly looking for the most appropriate contender to distract me from my thoughts of you...it's not working, at least not yet, i'm constantly comparing them to you, their jokes are not as funny, they don't have that air about them like you do where everything is just in place and i feel safe cause you are in control, they seem boring , strange , who will laugh at my jokes? who will understand the reasons i say certain things , who would understand those private jokes forged from spending so much time together???? NO ONE



If I concentrate hard enough I can go abot my business and pretend you're outta town , there somewhere in my subconcious I can imagine you still want to be with me but the distance is putting a starain on us a,,,another fantasy right? If you really miss me like you say you do why dont you speak with as much meaning, why are you so convicted in the decision to move on without me? I willl not sound like a broken record with my i miss yous and what nots , I wasso elated the other day when i felt a certain form of release and i felt like i let go of my burden, but all of a sudden memories start popping back that only you and i can share and i begun to think again how i will rebuild all those bridges, will life ever be as much fun without you to share it with?



One minute i'm gone next thing i know i back in love with you,my emotions feel impossible like a village girl trying to fill a basket with a bucket of water?....fruitless!!! i really wish i could cut out the painful bit of my heart like a guest said, rip it all out and take out the scarred bits ...damn i miss you like crazy, i might be getting used to being without you but all these men pale in comparism to you ...damn you for making me love you like this....my head spinning from so much emotion , i cant cry anymore i'm done sharing tears they only cloud my thoughts and make the healing process even more pregnanat....save me now!

Letting go.....

True Love they say means being able to let go, and there is joy in realising that you have loved and not lost . I've asked friends many times what it means to be in love and pondered many times on whether I have been that fortunate, well I have!!!i have embraced the emotions, the ups and downs and the control that secret love requires, wanting many times to yell from the top of a mountain or maybe a sky scraper (lol) that I am yours and no one else matters, I have been committed to you even when you were committed to two or three others and have waited in line for my turn as would a concubine in Solomon's harem!But letting go has never felt so good.....no more painful tears , I cry now with joy , the experience was remarkable , and I would do it all over again....

I once read that living life completely is loving with your heart, truly, deeply, and no inhibitions knowing that you might get hurt but it would have been worth it.Missing someone next to you can be so excruciating but loving them no matter what is even more fulfilling.i am more knowledgeable now, i learnt so much from being with you.....i have NO regrets! People come into your life for different reasons and maybe yours was to show me a glimpse of what's to come!

I once wrote a poem about my first love at the touch of whose love I became a poet , at the touch of yours I became a WOMAN! I know what i want in a man now , I know how it feels to be desired, wanted, needed, appreciated. I think you didnt even know what to do with me , and I was probably more alluring when you felt I was incapable of letting myself go. Now I have and once again through the rough you've made me smile, I have bad memories but I have good ones too and knowing that side of you has given me wings! The only problem is now I can't settle for less , you've upped the ante once again and I only wish that I let you go for HER and not her , it would have been more meaningful, but maybe it is best this way cause I am consoled that it would take a lot more to re-capture our magic with her....

I feel happy that I can still be in your life but out of harm and hurt's way, I am relieved, you are and forever will be my friend and somewhere deep down you have made my hall of fame.You don't need to feel akward around me , i'm past that! True love means never having to say you're sorry , I CHOSE to love you and I CHOSE to let you go and neither was your fault, I am re-defined and excited now, so fly freely my butterfly cause letting you go (truly) has set me free...

know this NOW!

Hey all, I read this article and think it's amazing, its just as women no matter how much chick lit we dig into or memorize, all this advice always seems to dissappear when you really need it, but for what it's worth it's great to share.......ENJOY!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache. Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?Always have your own set of friends separate from his. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less. Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. > >If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.All men are NOT dogs. You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary. Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!) Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

I Cried!!!!

I woke up this morning, with all the same emotions I had yesterday, the only difference is i had a conversation with an old friend and it changed everything, i still dreamt of you all night and wondered if you would call today and take it all back but i found a deeper meaning to where i am, I know we all say that what's yours is yours and will come back to you but today i decided to examine what it is that i really want. Am i really in love with you? maybe i am but there is a greater love that makes whatever i'm feeling pale in comparism, the love of Jesus!I still miss you nothing has changed , but i was told today that my heart is not broken, i am not damaged or torn my heart is simply deceiving me and i believe that. Yes i need to get used to the changes , i need to realise that this too shall pass and there's something better waiting out there, bot neccessarily another man but just a deeper meaning to my life more substance.

Many times i've decided that you are exactly what i want in a husband , and then again i wonder if that should be my stand, do i want to be in a situation where i cant love you freely? would things have been different if i could?Slowly but surely i am getting over myself , and that revelation today that what i think matters most hardly means a thing for HE that gave me his love did so with no limitations, no conditions, no pretence no hidden intentions and that humbled me so much that i felt the release cascading down my face and i instantly began to heal, my heart doesn't feel that heavy anymore, i'm not torn , no i'm not! i'm very healthy just a little disappointed and its gonna get a whole lot better....I love you darling but i'm beginning to love my self more and i will cry as often as i need to till there are no more tears left with your name on it, then i will wake up one morning and you wont be my first thought.....

I told you so

If my heart could speak...I can only imagine the words I would hear are "I told you so!I told you not to love him, I told you not to get so involved and imagine that you would just snap out of it , i told you not to let go , I screamed at you when he gave us butterflies, I knew it was the beginning of the end now i'm broken and you're aching all over if you would only listen when i told you to.....DAMN!

Does being in love have to hurt so bad? Or is that what happens when you love the wrong person? How can someone be almost perfect and still not right? I blame myself for this though, I knew very well it would never end right but i believed that the memories would be great enough to have been worth the pain but I missed one thought! i didn't realise how much pain i'd be dealing with, I have become almost numb, i day-dream myself to tears and then they refuse to drop, i just get all glassed up at the eyes and freeze at the thought of letting the emotions sink in, It's like i'm holding on to that last piece of you and once the tears come tumbling down i would fall completely apart, I hate the helplessness that comes with wondering what went wrong, when u decided you had had enough, when u got so infatuated with her that you just couldn’t get enough of her, it hurts to see you do all the things we did together , to imagine you were doing those same things with her, going to the same places trying to re-enact our memories, it makes it all seem less sacred, if there was magic was i the only one that felt it? Were your words ever true or u were just blinded by the moment and said things that you didn’t really feel? Am i just obsessing about you cause i know you’ll never be mine or cause we lived in a bubble and the reality would never have worked? I feel like i invested all this time for nothing, I also feel at times that its not my place to feel this way after all how do i want her to feel?what would she do if she knew half of what went on? Is this a typical case of what goes around comes around? Are we done for good this time? I know what you’re like when you want something and thats how i know you’re not wanting me right now, i’d like to scream this all out, yell my head off get you outta ny heart...cry!!!!! but i feel the pain more and more, think about you all the time, sometimes i'm stuck day dreaming so deep nothing around me exists , then i have to snap back to reality and let you go.....i won't know what to do with myself...i don't know what to do with myself...I MISS YOU.

It's not about the intimacy , i miss the companionship , I miss looking forward to doing absolutely nothing with you, guess that was the problem, that i would more often than not choose you over any other activity i might be interested in , It hurts now to think that you can move on without me, yeah life goes on but did it have to be that fast? how can you not feel what i felt and how could you throw it in my face like that??? I guess everybody has these moments , maybe cause this is the first time i’ve actually felt dumped!!! i don’t know, i cant remember the last time you left town without telling me, it feels so horrible to think that you can strike me outta your life that easily, so are you telling her all the things you used to tell me? Are you telling her about me too???? That would be crazy, do you feel bad about throwing it all in my face or you think this is the best way to help me get over you? Could you ever fall in love with her or are you in love already??? I love the jokes you used to tell me, the way you made me laugh, the excitement of just being together, i miss watching the movies in bed and singing that song, i hate that i miss you , i hate that i cant cry....i hate that i’ve been here so many times and now i know i’m not immune, i’m not that hard, or maybe i just fell hard, and i told you i didn’t want to get attached to you. I didn’t want to lose my self to this fantasy , i didn’t want to get stuck on you and left behind? Why didn’t you just tell me, i wonder if it would have been easier to get over you, sign language is not the same and although i sort of figured it out in the way you began to detach yourself i refused to believe it was over, i wanted you to say you had tried but couldn’t get over me i wanted you to miss me, i even wanted to make you jealous but i guess its a lot easier for you....

Are you doing all these things because you’ve made that decision and now you are running out of time and don’t want to feel like you are missing something? what about us? what about how i feel? No, i would hate for you to love me out of pity or even be with me because you didnt want to hurt my feelings, guess this is the best way then, abrupt and effective, maybe it'll work , maybe it'll take longer for me to deal with it , but i'm on this lonely road again , don't want or need any shoulders to cry on cause i want you , but wanting you would never be real , true love doesn't live in a bubble .....I wish I was stone hearted like you thought I was but i'm only human and i told you SO!!!!