I Cried!!!!

I woke up this morning, with all the same emotions I had yesterday, the only difference is i had a conversation with an old friend and it changed everything, i still dreamt of you all night and wondered if you would call today and take it all back but i found a deeper meaning to where i am, I know we all say that what's yours is yours and will come back to you but today i decided to examine what it is that i really want. Am i really in love with you? maybe i am but there is a greater love that makes whatever i'm feeling pale in comparism, the love of Jesus!I still miss you nothing has changed , but i was told today that my heart is not broken, i am not damaged or torn my heart is simply deceiving me and i believe that. Yes i need to get used to the changes , i need to realise that this too shall pass and there's something better waiting out there, bot neccessarily another man but just a deeper meaning to my life more substance.

Many times i've decided that you are exactly what i want in a husband , and then again i wonder if that should be my stand, do i want to be in a situation where i cant love you freely? would things have been different if i could?Slowly but surely i am getting over myself , and that revelation today that what i think matters most hardly means a thing for HE that gave me his love did so with no limitations, no conditions, no pretence no hidden intentions and that humbled me so much that i felt the release cascading down my face and i instantly began to heal, my heart doesn't feel that heavy anymore, i'm not torn , no i'm not! i'm very healthy just a little disappointed and its gonna get a whole lot better....I love you darling but i'm beginning to love my self more and i will cry as often as i need to till there are no more tears left with your name on it, then i will wake up one morning and you wont be my first thought.....