Yes or NO?

I asked you today if I should just cut my losses and move on, at some point you said you cared but guess it wasn't strong enough for you to fight for me ....for this!

Every time a conversation remotely sounds serious you avoid it , you will probably face up to the realness with someone it just so happens that someone isn't me after all. I asked you if i should stop trying ...after telling me you are on an induced high (the other excuse) you wrote " I didn't know you were trying" !!! Really? I have just stayed in touch because ex-girlfriends within a month are simply supposed to be over their emotions and be cool "friends"?

I feel like I don't know you anymore but I've done this to myself way too many times, I don't want to assume , I want you to say it mean it and own it! Whatever it is ..... but at least we would both know you actually made a decision.

After all my relentless badgering you finally responded with a "No"....... I will give you some space still   because there is nothing worse than being in an un-wanted position. A man is supposed to fight for what he wants , I need something to believe in again , I need a show of strength!

When love is lost....

In the three years that I haven't been here, one would assume I finally figured this love thing out.... NOT! Well I recently thought I had too, YOU whom I confided in and took as my friend decided you wanted more and for a time it felt right and I was over the moon happy...

I let you have all you wanted and got excited speaking to you everyday, you cared for me you were thoughtful , you became the man in my life and you said you wanted to be . A month with you on your turf was a bit difficult at times because I saw you resist letting "us" flow and got mad at all sorts of things but I figured our friendship would be our play of strength when times got rough...boy was I wrong!

This is the closest I have felt to the emotion of death/ losing someone abruptly, when someone who seemingly cared just does a full 360 and all the emotion is gone, you don't even try to save us , like you are totally un-interested. You refuse to share your feelings and even when you do after I've tried a million things you keep it to the barest minimum and leave me hanging, what did I ever do to you?

I thought my heart had been broken before , this is a whole new level . All I feel is a vacancy, I feel abandoned, I feel like I was placed on a pedestal and had it yanked from under me , I feel lonelier than when I had no one, I feel foolish!

Silly of me to think that I was finally home....why is it so hard for anyone to just say "You are the one I want forever" I am sooo ready yet now , I will always be afraid of being abandoned in my heart.
Lord heal me....