In the three years that I haven't been here, one would assume I finally figured this love thing out.... NOT! Well I recently thought I had too, YOU whom I confided in and took as my friend decided you wanted more and for a time it felt right and I was over the moon happy...
I let you have all you wanted and got excited speaking to you everyday, you cared for me you were thoughtful , you became the man in my life and you said you wanted to be . A month with you on your turf was a bit difficult at times because I saw you resist letting "us" flow and got mad at all sorts of things but I figured our friendship would be our play of strength when times got rough...boy was I wrong!
This is the closest I have felt to the emotion of death/ losing someone abruptly, when someone who seemingly cared just does a full 360 and all the emotion is gone, you don't even try to save us , like you are totally un-interested. You refuse to share your feelings and even when you do after I've tried a million things you keep it to the barest minimum and leave me hanging, what did I ever do to you?
I thought my heart had been broken before , this is a whole new level . All I feel is a vacancy, I feel abandoned, I feel like I was placed on a pedestal and had it yanked from under me , I feel lonelier than when I had no one, I feel foolish!
Silly of me to think that I was finally home....why is it so hard for anyone to just say "You are the one I want forever" I am sooo ready yet now , I will always be afraid of being abandoned in my heart.
Lord heal me....
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