Naked!

The tears sting, not because of my mascara either I just washed my face.

Walking around looking at myself like an out of body experience, wondering where my life went and how long I would stay in this slumber. was it all a dream?

Did I dream up the hopes and relief that at times made me feel like I had escaped this feeling of constant entrapment? That I would be the one that did good, irrespective of all the shit i've been through?

Did I imagine success, joy and love? Did I read it in a book and forget the stories were not mine?

Did I expire without knowing my sell by date. Is this all that is left of a once promising future?

The tears sting….. They sting because they have been suppressed, "Oh no not I, I am not the one to break down and feel weak" I constantly snap out of moments of regret and self loathing. Everything that felt like second nature , just doesn't come easy anymore.

I keep it all in, my sore heart, my life pains, my flawed memories and when my brain tries to remember I feel a heaviness in my spirit and a tightening in my chest that words cannot articulate.

So the wells gather in my eyes….  and I squint…..The tears sting….But I never let them fall!