YOU:
Though I suspected . .I only found out about u and him here cuz I read ur bb (I truly wished I didn't), which means I found out he was meant to come to here and all that, u guys shared the same jokes u sent to me (bout only people who can etc) u know all that . So from my view how special really was what we had, this past month I've struggled with my emotions yes I love u but there's just too much I can't deal with ,I wanted u for just me but were u always mine? I also analysed our relationship while trying to move forward, you never really listen to me, I can't be a perfect ... cuz I've to be sensitive cuz of. . . . And I also see u not happy with what we even have . . From ur tweets and regular side comments etc so really why not just bust. I might be better at concealing my feelings and get distractions to help deal with it. .but don't think I don't have them or never had them even with small things u do. . They get to me more than if its any other person. . .. Like I said there's nothing wrong with and any man would be blessed to have u under normal circumstances. U will always ve a special place in my heart. . .
ME:
I know u say I always have an explanation for everything but maybe that's how I am.
Sorry you read whatever you read and the joke about ..dat he sent if I vaguely remember d convo I know I said "I don't know what ure talking about" and laughed it off, you probably won't believe and don't need the info but I did it only once which was poor judgement cos I did it for d wrong reason, and I guess when u stay friends wit sumone uve been with such convos happen from time to time.Him coming to here was not for me , I'll say again we r not like dat even tho he doesn't know who you are he knows there's sumone I am/was in love with and dats where it ends.
I wanted to be just urs too and even if I slipped physically I never did emotionally , even at times dat I was so hurt u saying "sorry" would just melt me every time and u say it so well, but at d end of d day I'm human and so r u and even when d heart forgives d memories flash back from time to time.
Part of why I've been so messed up is cos of all d stuff I guessed too and little things like u telling me "she" sends u pics etc, I also feel like you shared what we had with her, she confides in u etc I don't do that with anybody, and since last year maybe that's why u felt that distance cos like I've told u already I just felt like u had betrayed me d worst possible way and u didn't seem to care . I would tell you things and you wud discuss it wit her or tell her and I just felt like I wasn't dat important anymore, yeah u r fond of me but u stopped "seeing" me.
I've been frustrated and all my side comments ( as we also discussed already) was me venting wanting to just get everything out in d open , dats probably childish n dats y we did d face to face talking and I thought we bonded and wud try to get if nothing else our friendship bk on track! But then u lied to me again d very next day.
Its true I haven't been happy cos I'd been obsessing about d other person u were loving even d day before my bday my resolve is lost my confidence has been broken I felt like I was trying too hard, this whole "M" thing has truly finally broken whatever is left of my heart(if hearts ever break) then those two days at d club, I just felt like if it has come to d point where u "can't be bothered" about how I feel then I probably haven't been loving myself enuff, if I was told dat cud ever happen I wouldn't believe it but I went thru it, crying in d club cos I actually cudnt hold it in anymore.
Maybe u know how to conceal/ act like u don't care etc, but I used to be like u at some point too, but I don't know how to be that strong anymore, when I told u I cudnt do it anymore dat day it was because I accepted from d very beginning to miss u even when ure standing beside me, but when its ur distractions dat occupy ur mind and I'm seeing everything u have to admit its not healthy!
With all that's been said and done its obvious too much water has passed n having a relationship in a bubble has not been easy for either of us, I agree with you and it goes without saying that u will always be in my heart, I've told u many times whether u believe it or not due to whatever factors, You are the only man I've ever been in love with, it doesn't come wit a manual but I tried my best. Thank you for the great memories we'll always share...
