Bittersweet....

I'm back at that un-certain spot this morning, sometimes I feel like i'm completely over you, guess its too soon to attain such great heights, bumped into you a couple of times and I still miss my friend, why do things have to change so drastically? i'm suddenly more available to all my admirers constantly looking for the most appropriate contender to distract me from my thoughts of you...it's not working, at least not yet, i'm constantly comparing them to you, their jokes are not as funny, they don't have that air about them like you do where everything is just in place and i feel safe cause you are in control, they seem boring , strange , who will laugh at my jokes? who will understand the reasons i say certain things , who would understand those private jokes forged from spending so much time together???? NO ONE



If I concentrate hard enough I can go abot my business and pretend you're outta town , there somewhere in my subconcious I can imagine you still want to be with me but the distance is putting a starain on us a,,,another fantasy right? If you really miss me like you say you do why dont you speak with as much meaning, why are you so convicted in the decision to move on without me? I willl not sound like a broken record with my i miss yous and what nots , I wasso elated the other day when i felt a certain form of release and i felt like i let go of my burden, but all of a sudden memories start popping back that only you and i can share and i begun to think again how i will rebuild all those bridges, will life ever be as much fun without you to share it with?



One minute i'm gone next thing i know i back in love with you,my emotions feel impossible like a village girl trying to fill a basket with a bucket of water?....fruitless!!! i really wish i could cut out the painful bit of my heart like a guest said, rip it all out and take out the scarred bits ...damn i miss you like crazy, i might be getting used to being without you but all these men pale in comparism to you ...damn you for making me love you like this....my head spinning from so much emotion , i cant cry anymore i'm done sharing tears they only cloud my thoughts and make the healing process even more pregnanat....save me now!