To you my dearest...

My heart has ached for you without season and I am constantly thrown into confusion by the emotions I feel for you, your words today touched my soul and I knew I wanted "that" too as silly as it sounded, our love seems to defy all reason yet I would continue to give my arm if you ever needed it!Is fate so cruel that it would play such a game?? Pray tell? What is so wrong about our names entwining' could it be a taboo? For what purpose is this phase that we remain en-fixed with? Too many questions yet no answer seems befitting , little wonder love was never meant to be defined!

I rummage through the archives of great romances and picture maybe once we were one of them in another life time , or how do we explain this magic that we share sometimes complex, sometimes painful, sometimes perfect but ever so rare? You bring a smile to my face even when I detest your actions and stay blinded to your imperfections (sometimes) but I can't deny what my heart feels when I'm with you, can't deny that I can't replace you it is not that simple, I look into your eyes and I see a leader, a comforter, a lover, a brother, a man that I pledge undying love to... I see YOU!

Please tell me there is a happy ending, please tell me we won't grow out of each other, please tell me I will not be forgotten , please tell me I am not alone! Please tell me that I will be able to find happiness should you decide what haunts me daily! You have broken me no doubt, I have no defences for you even when I feign withdrawal to gain perspective.

I hope someday to share our tale to my children's children, to give hope that true love exists , to be able to smile in our memory, maybe to share a memory that will forever consummate our time together , I have since let go of the passion in my veins that makes no sense to me but I allow it free reign because my love Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point (the heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing) I will love you forever...

No sustitute!!!!

I thought about you today and i smiled , not because I dont always think about you and smile but because i realised i got it BAD!!!!! Damn homie, I compare everybody to you nobody comes close, your smile your words your personality , your intelligence the way you make me feel , you keep me intellectually stimulated and i get bored easy so its no easy feat.....I thought about you today and realised a man like you is hard to come by, no surprises there!!!!! You mean a lot to me and I wont be giving you up anytime soon , My heart is hopelessly devoted to you and i'm loving it.....

sure!!! you piss me off a lot, but i like having you to be pissed off about, imagine what you did?????Didnt you consider for one moment it would hurt me, am i that oblivous to the facts??Then you had to go and rub my face in it??? I thought I could pretend and just not react but you know how i get and i resisted and just before i was about to give in you came thru...that is why i love you, you dodnt act right all the time but when you do you always make up for the past and the present and sometimes the future..lol....

I love loving you and dont want to be a substitute lover cause there is no substitue for you in my heart you are my long term plan.....

PRIORITY LIST

Hey it's been a minute!!! this is an old post but I still wanna put it up........

it ususally begins with a scale of preference, things i absolutely need check!Things i might be running out of soon check!, things that would entertain my guests check! things that I might possibly need later check! Things that suddenly catch my fancy (miscellenous)Check!Any randoms????? Ok so my guess is as good as yours, when you went shopping today i definitely wasnt something you "abolutely needed" Check!!!! I wasnt something that you even forgot to buy and ran all the way back to the store cos u were so mad at urself for forgetting the "main2 reason you went shopping in the first place!!Dude that just aint cool, its not even cool that i do this repeatedly, you remain my worst habit ever but why??what exactly is it with you? to be true is just not you? dont even want to hear you say anything causehearing you lie to me would be the stone cherry on this mud ass cake, if i really wanted to be part time i'm sure i would have been better working in the check out line{YEP), liquor store or doing shifts at the bar!

How can someone split themselves in three? take whole profits and still not give commessurate didvidends? make promises that cant be taken to the bank , better yet cant even be taken as promises,what good is a man without his word? Wait..my bad...what goes around comes like a thief in the night, kickingthe door in , no announcements neccessary right back round, didnt even neen a thereapist for this one...this mome nt dare i say is actually very symbolic...but i'm not switching the channel just yet even sad movies get a befitting ending...

Another sad love song...

And its breaking my brains like crazy that's why I'm all torn up inside, I know I have a big heart that should be a good thing right? Bout it means it hurts twice as hard, who is this woman who sees thru your lies and loves you no less? ME. Who is this woman that wants to be acknowledged, loved, adored, touched fondly and treated like ur better half? ME. Why does it always feel like no matter how hard and fast I run at this race panting with exhaustion , hopeful cos there seems to be no one catching up and looking into your eyes and visualizing the eventual prize only to get to the finish line to discover someone started way ahead of me!

They say women who love the same man have a bitter kind of freemasonry, I couldn't agree. More, look how we flock together like his personal choir and he waves his arms as if to conduct our lives, emotions friendships? Ever so present in his harem not two but three and yet he fools is all, loving me loving u and YOU? Is that truly possible? Am I going against all I believe in settling for second best? Is ur middle name ma binu? At least if this was a reality show I would know we were doing it for sensationslity sake!"secrets of d sand", "rose", "young and restless" name them we are quite the team aren't we?

This roller coaster ride really sucks!And I still can't figure out why we bother holding on? I'm not the one for you, there is no forever but my heart feels dis connected when its not loving you, how did you become my best friend? Its funny how I know you more than you can ever imagine, maybe that's why you love me, you feel like you met your match but why do you want to keep stringing me along? I know this will continue to hurt and I might dare to say you are my true love but I won't call you my "the one" cos if I don't marry you and I can bet I won't then my husband will take that title lol! Damn! You make my emotions hop around like a yo yo, one minute I'm mad beyond redemption and d next I'm just ... Ok! Hmmmm my love my pain! My endless love !

Pushing my buttons!!!

I was sooo mad at you today! I hate when you do that , and do that and do it all over again!!! I was impatient even and went through feeling how i feel when you do this but somehow when i thought i was as infuriated as I could possibly be and really didnt want to speak to you or was not in the mood to see you, all you had to do was what you did..Damn you!!!!!!! How do you pull my strings like a private instrument, wind me up like you're tuning a guitar, all the while living me in discord and then when you are wel and ready you make me smile so effortlessly!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA , yep all I want to do is scream, i liked being mad at you , it meant you were not immortal, i liked feeling irritated by that action cos it meant i hadn't lost my freedom to think like myself....I DID hate the fact that you knew just what to say and I wish I could hate that I love you so but that still aint happening!

Oh you on the other hand waltzing in and out of my life, you try to exercise a hold on me and I don't know what it is about you that just resounds in my head, I know the emotions are not there anymore , not at all in the strength that they once stood , but yet I guess its some subconcious effect you have on me , making me wonder if our purpose together has been fulfilled, our chapter concluded what are we still clashing for? Hmmm time wll tell, but you dudes sha , I no be elevator you need to stop pushing my buttons just because you can!!!!

Mixed bouquet!

I can't say I was surprised, been there done that, can't say I was dissappointed, been there done that , just sort of re-assigned or subjected to phase one, but i'm so happy to keep it real, hate it or love it you know how i feel , do as you will, love me if you will and know this though, only so long can our hearts stay entwined if they are not meant to be together...Mo miss e sha!!!LOL

Now You sorta remained within my radar, don't quite know what to make of you yet but you are such a gentlemen, i like the way you take control of situations , the way you don't care for playing that game that much, the way you love that game just like me, and the way you are just as restless but stay focused, I find you rather intrigueing, don't quite know what to expect, do you just wanna be friends? are you trying to see if i'm the one? isn't it a bit too soon for that? I know this though, I could really like you, I would like to get to know you though, and i'm a bit scared at the easy way i put my hand in yours , letting you guide me through the crowd like you were my man...Damn!!! a chick is really a chick..lol! feels good to feel like a girl!

IN YOUR ARMS.....

I'd imagined this moment many times, telling you everything I only dreamt about and YES, it was everything I wished it would be and more....I'd felt like crying so many times before but nothing can compare to the torrent of emotions that came tumbling with the sound of your voice admitting you felt the same way, how did I get so lucky? How did u get so lucky? LOL. You are such a strong man,,,MY MAN( I wish) and that is why I respect you so much, you don't even know how much! I've been beside myself with joy for the past few days giggling at every opportunity and just being plain happy...I LOVE YOU

Some may call me silly or maybe i just exxagerate but how do you explain not being able to cry when your heart is heavy and sour and in need of attention and care? How? But when you held me in your arms and told me how you felt and i knew deep down that was the realest moment ever ??? (You're so amazing when your guard is down ) I cried again...with emotions i did not know existed, I cried because i didnt have to worry anynore that you dont care cos you do....I cried because i thought you never missed me but you do, I cried because I once knew someone who wouldnt fight for my heart who wouldn't know how to tell me that he wanted me in his life, but you reached out to me....YOU....who i think about in every waking moment every night before i sleep...YOU.....who I would be perfectly happy spending the rest of my life with and having your children...YOU......who the mere sight of you gives me wings.....I cried because I LOVE YOU and loving you is beautiful and I want to be in your arms forever .....I feel so at home, at peace fulfilled, when i'm in your arms nothing else matters and i;m not afraid because i know no matter what i will get past whatever may come our way.....Loving you brings possibilties....DAMN

I want to cook for you, clean for you, care for you, cater to you ..I love being in your arms....but I LOVE YOU MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (exhale here)